If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
