Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
