I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
