Someone shit on the floor
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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