Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
