Have you finally orgasmed yet?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
