I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
