Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
