I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you didnt know i had herpes?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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