Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When are your genitals available?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
