Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
