Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
