They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
