take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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