just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
