i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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