his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
