I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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