i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
