your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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