Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
