and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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