Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
