O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
