he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
