Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
