HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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