enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All the doctor said was why
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
