Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
