can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
