Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pants are for mortals
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
