and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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