PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
