Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
