I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
