My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this just has baby written all over it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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