Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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