i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
