i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
