I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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