whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
