I have demons in me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
