idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
