So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
