I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
