the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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