if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
