??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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