She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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