Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
