She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
MIDGETS
????
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
