It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
