just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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