So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
