I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
