I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Life is so much better after having sex.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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