Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
