just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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