I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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