i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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