eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize