I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
