woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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