Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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