How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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