Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
